This post originally came from my boss’ response to my email about three years ago when I asked him what really is the ideal relationship. His name is Don and he lives in New Orleans, Louisiana. He is a spiritual man with lots of wisdom to share. His views on an ideal relationship is one of the best I learned from him so far.
In 2005, he had a divorce with his wife. After that, he lived with the monks for years to reflect and get a new perspective on life. Right now, although he and his wife are divorced, they remained friends and business partners.
Here’s what he has to say about the ideal relationship.
All humans need love to thrive. But it seems that most people look for love FROM a partner in a relationship. But that too often puts a burden on the partner to “make me feel love”.
It took an extraordinary experience in 2005 for me to understand that it is my responsibility to find love within myself. I consider the experience to have been a gift of grace that followed my intention to discover what “bodhicitta”, an awakened heart, meant.
I now know that the gift of an awakened heart comes by choosing to feel love…for no reason at all…and with no object of love necessary. It is to expand the feeling of love, which each of us owns, beyond the confines of the body and the body’s identity, and to then choose the identity of being “a man (with)in love” or “a woman (with)in love”.
So, the ideal relationship to me is for “a man in love”–with his sense of wholeness and power that comes with being in love–to bring that love TO a relationship with “a woman in love”–with her sense of wholeness and power in love–to form a wholesome and powerful relationship.
The distinction is that in the wholeness of love, we choose to be in love WITH someone…instead of needing to find SOMEONE so we can be in love…
How about you? What are your views about the ideal relationship?